I have noticed a trend in my writing, both here on IPTB and elsewhere. The overwhelming bulk of reviews that I write are conspicuously positive. This has to do mainly with what I choose to review. If I like a product, I want to share it with others. I also suspect that the opinions we express here concerning booze have begun to teeter on the edge of snobbishness.
In an effort to rectify one of these two biases we bought a four-pack of El Jimador New Mix Margarita-in-a-can. I figure there are two ways this can turn out. Either I like the stuff and absolve myself of snobbery, or it’s as bad as I expect it to be and I can even out my reviewer’s karma.
Who can guess which way this is going?
El Jimador Can-o-rita is the latest in a persistent and ongoing trend that has defamed the margarita, a decent and respectable drink. (See also: The Daiquiri) These days it’s nearly impossible to get a margarita that contains tequila, triple sec, lime juice, and not a damned thing else. As we mentioned in our Disney post, bars are flooded with frozen strawberry-mango-sassy-lady-margaritas marketed towards the girls-night-out crowd and Sandals resort vacationers. In an effort to cover up the taste of the tequila, most of these drinks are so over-sugared that a steady diet of them would turn into a race between diabetes and alcohol poisoning.
Though, at only 5% ABV, El Jimador drastically tips the scales in favor of diabetes. This is a drink better described as vaguely tequila-flavored soda. The ingredients listed on the side of the can are “natural flavors and FD&C Yellow #5” while the front promises tequila and triple sec. But how much tequila can there possibly be in here? A proper margarita made with 80 proof tequila should contain at least 20% ABV before accounting for the triple sec.That means that the entire four-pack has less booze than a single properly made margarita.
In order to get drunk on El Jimador you’d have to either be a 16 year old first time drinker (IPTB does not endorse underage drinking) or chug all four cans on an empty stomach. And since you’re certainly not drinking this stuff for the depth and complexity of flavor, I fail to see the appeal for any audience. Apparently bloggers writing questionable reviews constitute El Jimador’s entire target demographic.
Despite what the Mountain Dew-esque can may claim, this is not a cocktail and it sure as hell isn’t a margarita. I wouldn’t even call it booze so much as a farcical homage to the margarita. Now, you can have your sugary woo-girl drinks all you want. Above all else, drink what you like. All I ask is that you don’t call it a margarita, a daiquiri, or – God help me – a martini.